My Little heartbeat “introducing Ifunanya, Zoe, Ivie…”

Sorry its been long but I have been spending time with my little heartbeat.

On July 9th 2013 a day after my due date, I got to meet my little heart beat after 15hours of Labor.

I thank God for her, Its a love like non other, I want to protect her from any and everything.

I loved her before she was born, and love her even more now that she is here.

there are no words to describe the feeling so here she is

Ifunanya, Zoe, Ivie…. her names mean Love, Life, Beautiful Jewel.

My very Heartbeat in the flesh, she is amazing so I will go back to her now and will add the story of her birth later.

Zoeless than an hour after birth16582_10152101610659741_1108314218_n2 days old944549_10152101668174741_721271403_nim growing 1011538_10152101725899741_1062130474_nlet me sleep paparatzi 1004492_10152101658474741_768205721_nsleep time 270325_10152128179864741_1603741574_nlol 1146657_10152148980074741_805773076_none month old and mommy wants to look like me

20140317-110434.jpg updated to add an 8month picture of me and my not so little anymore heartbeat.

untitiled

Oh Memories of  memories past… stories told with out meaning…breathes taken yet no life

there she goes again mouth wide open lips moving yet she speaks no words…how badly she wants to be heard but all they see is lips moving…knowing her name and nothing else….lips like mine moving…eyes slanted yet wide enough to see, yet she goes unseen un heard…ears shaped like a perfect C with an in shaped rose petal…hidden behind her hair….she hears you even though you ignore her…you notice her scent cause its a soft scent…its welcoming but yet you walk away….laying on the floor lifeless you recognise her for the first time…SHE IS BEAUTIFUL…you remember how soft spoken she was and how you used to love her then you wake up and she is there smiling and suddenly you see her, hear her love her and appreciate her….ITS NOT TOO LATE

Life from this angle

Life from this angle. If I told a million stories and haven’t told yours then my stories lack meaning.

It was back in those days in Nigeria when polygamy was a normal thing, you married Benjamin Omokaro as his second wife. You were known as the street smart wife while his first wife was the educated one.

You did not speak much English but you could not be cheated in any currency, you were tough, dark and beautiful.

You did the shopping cause you knew
How to get the best for your money and pricing was your thing.

You had your first child and named him David(Nosa…) then your second named her Constance Osaze, and 7more but one passed so you raised your 4boys and your 4daughters.

Your husband passed when your youngest daughter was just 6 going on 7 but your oldest daughter had just married a professor and your oldest son was already a professor on his own so you had help with the younger ones.

You raised your family with love and a tough hand, you showed them that the world is what they make of it.

A young uneducated woman with 8 children, strong and beautiful                                                                                                                                                                 you  raised children that became professors, lawyers, architects, nurses, teachers…

Your first grandchild of over 20 grand children you have was also named David and he gave you two great grand sons,  your second oldest grand son gave you a greatgrandson.

Wow you that beautiful woman that they called uneducated, you were short and dark with all the curves in the right place you gave birth to Giant-professionals, who gave you another generation of strong, beautiful hard working professionals…

I love you grandma you are amazing, I’m finding it hard to process the fact that you are gone, last night was August 21st a day I will never forget, I got the call 10pm pacific time…., but it was early this morning almost 1am Nigerian time you took your last breathe, you closed your eyes one final time, you slept the final sleep, sorry we never told you about your first son, my uncle Dave’s pasing over a year ago, we did not think you could take it sorry we lied to you on his were-abouts, but now you know, enjoy the reunion I’m sure you are thinking once those kids get up here I’m going to give them a piece of my mind.

I love you grandma we all do, lots of tears down here, you were loved dearly you brought a lot of people into this world and in that you made a difference
If you see this I want you to know I love you, and I still remember you bringing me rice and stew with one boiled egg every Sunday for years and making sure my brothers did not eat my food, I love you dearly I was your youngest grandchild for 9years and you were blessed with many more and you loved us all and I will make sure your memory lives on in the next generation to come.
Rest in Peace. Squeeze uncle Dave for me let him know his Auntie me junior misses him, and tell my brother Uwa that I still hate beans

I cut my hair now I look more like you

LOVING MY HATERS

NOW I always say:

you cant control what others say about you, and you cant give them the time of the day because then they would have succeeded

I always say I could care less about my haters because they dont mattter

but today you all deserve a special shout out

after all you deserve one day 🙂

see I am just ME

Cindy Precious…..

I am my mothers daughter, the apple of my fathers eye when he was alive, I am my sisters angel as she puts it, My brothers- baby sister, I am best friend to some and some are my closest of friends, I am IN love with one and adored by him 🙂 ……

But

there are those who love to hate me

so to you I thank you

after all your life cant be that interesting, if you sit around and make me the highlight of your day

see I feel bad for you, you are unappreciated

after all you take out time from your day to talk about me

whether right, wrong

after all I think its time I thank you

SO THANK YOU

you make me feel special

though I must admit there were days I strongly disliked you for it, even thought of mean ways to get back at you, then I decided to pay you no mind which I did well for years 🙂

but then I chose to give you a special shout out

thanks for making me feel so important

you take time out of your day, that you could have spent doing other positive things, time that you can never get back you were gracious enough to use it to talk about me, I must be like a celebrity to you or something, because my life matters so much to you that you take the time to evaluate it, twist it, manipulate, lie at times and then say things so convincingly to those who also have time to hear you.

I thank you, for making me feel like a celebrity even though I am JUST me

I know I’m the most important part of your day 😀

sorry I dont try to please you, sorry you cant be me, sorry you cant compete though I never knew I was in a competition

so to all MY haters and HATERS every where THANK YOU sorry if I gave you the impression that you did not matter

HOPE this sets the record straight between us but I am sure you will continue to RUN your mouth and I will continue to feel Important

ITS a relationship I often forget but if I forget you again come back and read this I am sure it will make you understand that I once cared

sincerely your MUSE 🙂

                                   

was that harsh I am sorry, just trying to give you new material

HAHAHAHAHa

Trying times

them days them days

turn weeks

turn months

a year maybe

now you cant remember how life was with out them days

cool breeze blowing as I sit on the front porch

fenced backyard.

5bedrooms 3bathrooms 2living-rooms 1hot-tub a huge kitchen

that full bar in the basement and more

time to down size the economy got me changing lifestyles 😦

I always wanted to move

never felt like this was quite mine

but

a two bedroom wasn’t quite what I had in mind

this is not the neighborhood I had in mind

but then I am home

I am happy

I see you and a smile brights up my day

I suddenly remember how Rich I am

because I have you

I have your love 🙂

and just like that I found

JOY

PEACE

and even this home looks just GRAND


i am going to miss you the most hot tub

I’M GOING TO MISS YOU THE MOST JACUZZI 🙂

MY PERFECT SIZE 14

Oh I have only been a size 14 for 5months now and I am the biggest I have ever been

Beautiful Jeans hanging on that size 4 stick model, you look so amazing

with your no curves, but the way you twist your waist makes the already flattering jeans look better

I must try you on i see a size 12 and every thing under that, plenty of 6’s but no 14 in the jeans I want.

off to the big girls section oh how nice I see a 16 but no size 14

time to go home jean-less

In my perfect size 14….thinking should I gain to fit the 16 or loose to wear the 12….My perfect 14.

Image

Image

Image

me in my sis 14 Jeans 🙂

The way God Made me

I have always had a weight issue

I have been almost every size, and sometimes the size has been me.

I often joke about having every size of clothing in my closet

Growing up I was real skinny and very athletic,

at 9years old. I had an accident and got even slimmer from refusing to eat, my parents got scared and bought me some casilan milk to make me eat and grow, it was so gross it was practically forced down my throat, by the time I was 11years old. I was so chubby and already a size 12 and kept getting bigger, in high school I saw my friends dress up in things I knew would be weird on my size 15 self, SO at 15 I was determined to loose weight, I stopped eating after 7pm and would do 100 sit ups every night by the time I was 16years old I was a size 9 but I still felt big even though thats the Size I pray to be again.

At 17 life changed drastically, I was even dating and would barely eat, I was away from home much and I became a size 6/7

On my 18th birthday My size 5 friend took me to LA where we celebrated my birthday, I felt big when I  I tried on her clothes as we often did, but I had fun regardless we took pictures and even drank, and danced.

a week later we looked at the pictures taken after developing them, and noticed my neck bone sticking out and felt weird about it, being skinny is not for every one, after that my boyfriend would constantly cook me steak and potatoes telling me he needed to put some meat on my bones

so my fattening Journey began 🙂 FUN TIMES

by the time I was 18 and a half I was a size 11/12 and loved the me that I was though I wanted to shed a little and by 19years old I was back to a size 9/10 and I was content

Life happened

stress got over whelming

I saw myself in many shades and some days I was content others I remembered my EX who wnted to fatten me up and now his new girl who looked like a size 7

by 20 I was a size 13, I went to visit my size 8 petite mother with my sister who was a size 6

My mother had not seen me in 5years and the first thing she says to me is “Cindy you are so fat now!!”

Emotions: anger, pain, self worth, tears, and walls shattering in my mind 

went back and started walking everyday with my friends pregnant mom and by 22years old I was a size 9 and loving it.

at 23 a size 11 at 24 I worked out till I was a size 10 at the age of 25

My weight still goes up and down, but I am loving the me that God made me to be, I have been many sizes and at times the sizes over took me but now I am just pleased with me, yes I could loose weight

I am 26 and I am the biggest I have ever been, but I am ME, Beautiful on the inside and out, blessed to wear different sizes and looking good all the way.

I found me along the way, and I am ok with me.

curves and all

from 18 to 23 my new years resolution was to loose weight 🙂 🙂

and now its just to be a better me than the year before 🙂

some pictures of me at different stages of my weight journey

Image

child hood

Image

17years old

Image

18years old

Image20years old

Image

22years old

Image22 again I lost so much weight

Image

23years old

Image

Image

24th birthday party

Image

one month before my 25th birthday party

Image

2days after I turned 25years old

Image

almost 26

Image

July, 11, 2012