LOVING MY HATERS

NOW I always say:

you cant control what others say about you, and you cant give them the time of the day because then they would have succeeded

I always say I could care less about my haters because they dont mattter

but today you all deserve a special shout out

after all you deserve one day 🙂

see I am just ME

Cindy Precious…..

I am my mothers daughter, the apple of my fathers eye when he was alive, I am my sisters angel as she puts it, My brothers- baby sister, I am best friend to some and some are my closest of friends, I am IN love with one and adored by him 🙂 ……

But

there are those who love to hate me

so to you I thank you

after all your life cant be that interesting, if you sit around and make me the highlight of your day

see I feel bad for you, you are unappreciated

after all you take out time from your day to talk about me

whether right, wrong

after all I think its time I thank you

SO THANK YOU

you make me feel special

though I must admit there were days I strongly disliked you for it, even thought of mean ways to get back at you, then I decided to pay you no mind which I did well for years 🙂

but then I chose to give you a special shout out

thanks for making me feel so important

you take time out of your day, that you could have spent doing other positive things, time that you can never get back you were gracious enough to use it to talk about me, I must be like a celebrity to you or something, because my life matters so much to you that you take the time to evaluate it, twist it, manipulate, lie at times and then say things so convincingly to those who also have time to hear you.

I thank you, for making me feel like a celebrity even though I am JUST me

I know I’m the most important part of your day 😀

sorry I dont try to please you, sorry you cant be me, sorry you cant compete though I never knew I was in a competition

so to all MY haters and HATERS every where THANK YOU sorry if I gave you the impression that you did not matter

HOPE this sets the record straight between us but I am sure you will continue to RUN your mouth and I will continue to feel Important

ITS a relationship I often forget but if I forget you again come back and read this I am sure it will make you understand that I once cared

sincerely your MUSE 🙂

                                   

was that harsh I am sorry, just trying to give you new material

HAHAHAHAHa

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Trying times

them days them days

turn weeks

turn months

a year maybe

now you cant remember how life was with out them days

cool breeze blowing as I sit on the front porch

fenced backyard.

5bedrooms 3bathrooms 2living-rooms 1hot-tub a huge kitchen

that full bar in the basement and more

time to down size the economy got me changing lifestyles 😦

I always wanted to move

never felt like this was quite mine

but

a two bedroom wasn’t quite what I had in mind

this is not the neighborhood I had in mind

but then I am home

I am happy

I see you and a smile brights up my day

I suddenly remember how Rich I am

because I have you

I have your love 🙂

and just like that I found

JOY

PEACE

and even this home looks just GRAND


i am going to miss you the most hot tub

I’M GOING TO MISS YOU THE MOST JACUZZI 🙂

MY PERFECT SIZE 14

Oh I have only been a size 14 for 5months now and I am the biggest I have ever been

Beautiful Jeans hanging on that size 4 stick model, you look so amazing

with your no curves, but the way you twist your waist makes the already flattering jeans look better

I must try you on i see a size 12 and every thing under that, plenty of 6’s but no 14 in the jeans I want.

off to the big girls section oh how nice I see a 16 but no size 14

time to go home jean-less

In my perfect size 14….thinking should I gain to fit the 16 or loose to wear the 12….My perfect 14.

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me in my sis 14 Jeans 🙂

The way God Made me

I have always had a weight issue

I have been almost every size, and sometimes the size has been me.

I often joke about having every size of clothing in my closet

Growing up I was real skinny and very athletic,

at 9years old. I had an accident and got even slimmer from refusing to eat, my parents got scared and bought me some casilan milk to make me eat and grow, it was so gross it was practically forced down my throat, by the time I was 11years old. I was so chubby and already a size 12 and kept getting bigger, in high school I saw my friends dress up in things I knew would be weird on my size 15 self, SO at 15 I was determined to loose weight, I stopped eating after 7pm and would do 100 sit ups every night by the time I was 16years old I was a size 9 but I still felt big even though thats the Size I pray to be again.

At 17 life changed drastically, I was even dating and would barely eat, I was away from home much and I became a size 6/7

On my 18th birthday My size 5 friend took me to LA where we celebrated my birthday, I felt big when I  I tried on her clothes as we often did, but I had fun regardless we took pictures and even drank, and danced.

a week later we looked at the pictures taken after developing them, and noticed my neck bone sticking out and felt weird about it, being skinny is not for every one, after that my boyfriend would constantly cook me steak and potatoes telling me he needed to put some meat on my bones

so my fattening Journey began 🙂 FUN TIMES

by the time I was 18 and a half I was a size 11/12 and loved the me that I was though I wanted to shed a little and by 19years old I was back to a size 9/10 and I was content

Life happened

stress got over whelming

I saw myself in many shades and some days I was content others I remembered my EX who wnted to fatten me up and now his new girl who looked like a size 7

by 20 I was a size 13, I went to visit my size 8 petite mother with my sister who was a size 6

My mother had not seen me in 5years and the first thing she says to me is “Cindy you are so fat now!!”

Emotions: anger, pain, self worth, tears, and walls shattering in my mind 

went back and started walking everyday with my friends pregnant mom and by 22years old I was a size 9 and loving it.

at 23 a size 11 at 24 I worked out till I was a size 10 at the age of 25

My weight still goes up and down, but I am loving the me that God made me to be, I have been many sizes and at times the sizes over took me but now I am just pleased with me, yes I could loose weight

I am 26 and I am the biggest I have ever been, but I am ME, Beautiful on the inside and out, blessed to wear different sizes and looking good all the way.

I found me along the way, and I am ok with me.

curves and all

from 18 to 23 my new years resolution was to loose weight 🙂 🙂

and now its just to be a better me than the year before 🙂

some pictures of me at different stages of my weight journey

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child hood

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17years old

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18years old

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22years old

Image22 again I lost so much weight

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23years old

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24th birthday party

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one month before my 25th birthday party

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2days after I turned 25years old

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almost 26

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July, 11, 2012

SEED

emotions

they are so unpredictable

gifts can be disguises of pain

waking up to those two lines wow

could it be

no lets take two more oh I see two lines

3more times I still see two lines

lets go Digital

I am!!!

Oh my anxious tummy ache

Oh wow it is

its life

oh worry this is the wrong time, no not now,

acceptance

oh yes thank goodness

its perfect its amazing it is life

Wondering what could it be

a football player or a ballerina

oh the possible names

the lady in the white suit

somethings wrong

worry! fear!! dissappointment!!!

and just like that

Life dissapears!!!!

😦

Oh month of June

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pictures from Google.

Relationships

Every ones relationships vary,

Public lovers: the ones always holding hands and kissing every chance they get. 🙂

the cutsey couple: they both look like they were made for one another 😀

Hotstuff: hot guy and sexy chick, they look like they are both models :p

the average Joe: they look like everyone, and they are together because it works 🙂

the energetic couple: they would rather bungy jump than sit at the opera 🙂

the out doorsey couple: Hiking, climbing mountains, picnics in the park thats them 🙂

The Professional couple: they are financially ahead of most. 🙂

The opposites attract: My daddy was calm and quiet lol my mom a social butterfly 🙂

The Hippy Couple: life is beautiful, look at mother earth 🙂

The risk takers: let go skinny dippin couple 🙂

The Spontaneous Couple: they are willing to do things spur of the moment

The Planners : these are couples that plan everything, even SEX occasionally

The Hornybunch: Sex in the park? why not 🙂

The Showoff team: Couples who like to talk about things they have or have accomplished.

The no commitmenters 🙂 they have been together so long and still wont name the relationship

the common law couple: they have been dating over 5years, live together yet wont marry

The cougar: the older woman and her younger man 🙂

The sugar daddy: the older man with the much younger woman 🙂

The Opposite couple: hot and cold…

this is all just for fun 🙂

so what couple are you?

I am the opposites attract couple, my partner is more of a public lover type couple while I am energetic.

The day I heard.

I was his baby, he was my first love, and I wanted so much to be like him, the protection he gave was reassuring, his embrace I never questioned, his love I never doubted, his words where golden, and I never wanted to disappoint him.

My daddy the Man I looked up to and respected, the man no monster could defeat…

August……

The day I heard was like non other….

A man who once stood so tall, so strong, he was known as the untouchable, the unbreakable by his University students, and to our home he was daddy, Mentor, Hero, Role Model and Loving Husband to my mother.

He was many and different things to all of us and to those who loved him but Noble was universal to all who knew him.

In disbelief of the news I walked around my fathers house and compound which he started building out of love when marrying my mother.

I walked and saw him, carrying me.

Me trying to walk in his foot steps and yet holding back tears because My father was a strong man, who I had only seen with red eyes once, and what seemed to be tears.

I held my head up high and spoke, I talked but there was no response just friends of the family next to me sobbing.

I reached out for my daddy but he was not physically there, I looked around, I wanted him to carry me and say Its OK, but he wasn’t there.

All these people here, in tears wearing black and eyes so red, so many of them

October….

My mother fainting and being revived, my oldest brother scared of having to step into his daddies giant shoes, my other older brother looking so so angry with eyes so RED acting like he is not crying, My older sisters eyes so red and me head held up high as I slowly walk closer to that box with pretty white satin bedding material. I get closer and closer, heads raised looking at me, finally I get to the beautiful Wooden box with, white silky satin material and looked in…..DADDY I gasped, he laid there darker than I ever remembered, cotton in his nostrils, and ears yet he looked so peaceful as if sleeping and getting tanned, but that’s not at all what it was.

I heald myself together, as I slowly walked away, there was chatter, but I felt I had to look brave after all what will DADDY think.

He was in that box

that pretentious box

I walked away, Found my sister held her tight telling her not to cry, she held me as if she knew I needed that comfort as much as I was giving it.

People walked up and would say things like “He is in a better place now” “Things will get better” “He was like a father to us too” “He was a good MAN” “God knows why” etc….I wanted them to SHUT UP

Before that day

I could never imagine life without my father

The DAY I HEARD I was forced to live without My DADDY

RIP Daddy I agree now that you are in a better place, Things did not get better with you gone but I learned to live with the values you instilled in me, I still hear you say “your mouth will get you in trouble Cindy and then lol” I now see that you touched so many lives and many who knew you felt like you were fatherly, because you were better than good, you were a great man and God knows why you were taken away from us so soon.

Love your youngest Daughter 🙂

My Daddy

My Daddy